Title: Nurturing Future Generations: Understanding a Child’s Fundamental Need for Connection
In an insightful discussion on child development, Dr. Parisa Karbalaee Hassani, a noted expert, has addressed a common point of confusion for many parents: distinguishing between a child’s genuine need for attention and behaviors mistakenly labeled as “spoiling.”
Dr. Hassani’s analysis provides a clear framework for parents seeking to foster emotional security and resilience in their children, principles that contribute to the stability of the family unit—a cornerstone of a healthy society.
The “Spoiled” Child Misconception
The term “spoiled” is often used to describe a child who exhibits demanding behaviors, such as an inability to accept being told “no” or using tantrums to get their way. However, Dr. Hassani clarifies that children are not born spoiled. These behaviors are typically the result of inconsistent or extreme parenting patterns, not an inherent character flaw.
Attention: A Primary Need, Not a Luxury
Dr. Hassani emphasizes that a child’s need for attention and connection is a fundamental psychological requirement, as vital as food and sleep. A child seeking a hug after waking up, upon returning from daycare, or after a period of solitude is expressing a legitimate need for security and presence. This is not spoiling; it is a healthy expression of their need for a secure attachment.
Distinguishing Between Need and Behavior
The key, according to Dr. Hassani, lies in understanding the root of the behavior and the child’s reaction to boundaries.
- Genuine Need: Stems from a lack of connection, loneliness, or emotional fatigue. A child with a genuine need will typically calm down with a few minutes of empathetic attention and eye contact.
- Learned Behavior: Arises when a child learns that specific actions, like crying or threats, are effective tools to get what they want. This behavior often escalates when a request is denied.
A Balanced Approach to Nurturing
Dr. Hassani proposes a balanced strategy to meet a child’s emotional needs while preventing dependent or demanding behaviors:
- Proactive Engagement: Dedicate short, focused periods of time for one-on-one interaction with your child daily, free from distractions like phones.
- Responsive but Balanced Reactions: Respond promptly to a request for affection, but with clear limits. For example: “I know you want a hug. I will hold you for five minutes, and then we can read a book together.”
- Ignoring the Drama, Not the Child: If a child uses excessive crying or other theatrical behaviors to seek attention, wait to provide positive attention until their behavior becomes more balanced.
- Teaching Verbal Expression: Encourage your child to use words to express their needs, such as, “Mom, I really need a hug right now,” and reward that positive communication.
Conclusion: Fostering Security and Respect
The core message is that a child’s desire for attention is as natural as breathing. The solution is not to withhold affection but to provide unconditional love within a framework of firm boundaries and by teaching appropriate ways to express needs. This combination helps a child feel both secure and valued, while learning that there are constructive paths to having their needs met. This approach ultimately cultivates well-adjusted individuals, contributing to the strength and harmony of the family and the broader community.